For those who missed the news in last week’s column, I’m stepping down as The Post’s Work Advice columnist after 14 years. For my final two columns, I’m serving up several courses of reader updates, along with some fortune-cookie bites of advice.
‘It’s okay if the wrong thing happens’
When you’re choosing between decisions with equally unpleasant potential outcomes, the path that’s harder for you isn’t automatically the “right” one to take. And even the “wrong” choice won’t necessarily result in the worst possible outcome. Sometimes the best action is to step back and let things happen as they will.
For example, the “office Cassandra,” whose supervisors kept ignoring or downplaying her usually correct predictions and warnings, decided that constantly pressing her point wasn’t worth the frustration. She preserved evidence that she tried to help — but beyond that, she concluded, “I need to just let it go. Work is work. I’m not saving lives (usually) and it’s okay if the wrong thing happens. … I still dislike it, but being more calm about it all is going to bring me a peace that being right all the time won’t bring.”
Bonus advice: Picking battles preserves energy for when you actually are saving lives.
A public-sector supervisor who was debating whether to talk an unqualified internal candidate out of applying for an opening took the advice to just let the hiring process play out. The candidate was not hired and has since become resentful, spreading negativity and undermining communication protocols. “I know I made the right decision not to hire her,” the reader said, but added, “I also feel like I was damned either way.”
Bonus advice: When someone’s hell-bound for a hard lesson, don’t put yourself in blame’s way.
The reader who was the only friend to an “increasingly combative” co-worker said tensions eased for a while after management had some productive conversations with him. But then the co-worker confided that he is again considering filing a lawsuit and filed a harassment complaint identifying his friend as a potential witness. When HR reached out with questions, the reader “stayed neutral and objective, acknowledging the conflict” but refraining from discussing anything more than firsthand observations.
What’s interesting is that the reader described the workplace in this case as “the best I’ve come across,” citing high staff satisfaction and retention — but said the difficult co-worker found it “toxic and harassing.” The reader wondered whether this is because the unhappy co-worker “struggles with a company culture that is led by mostly women executives.”
Bonus advice: When your loyalty to people is tested, stay true to what you know.
Opportunities better missed
A worker who was rejected after a “weird interview” with a rude, dismissive boss now says they “dodged a bullet,” even though the company was prestigious and the job well-paying. A friend working at that company has confirmed that working for that boss is “nightmarish,” the reader said.
“Because I’m not working there … I actually found another freelance job that’s much more community oriented and values aligned” and could lead to a full-time position, the reader said. “If I [had been] offered the job with Big Boss, I may have missed out on this opportunity.”
Bonus advice: Opportunities are great only if they’re great for you.
The worker who was hesitant to apply for a higher-paying job overcame impostor syndrome by treating the interview as a “two-way street.” When the interviewers were vague about work-life balance, time requirements and why the job was vacant, the reader decided it wouldn’t be the best fit — and thus was not disappointed when the job wasn’t offered.
The story didn’t end there. The reader mentioned the interview to their current boss, who then came up with some new challenges and opportunities to offer the reader. “All in all, going to this interview is the best thing I could have done for my present position,” the reader said. “My boss and I understand and appreciate each other more than ever.” And when a new position was recently created, the boss encouraged the reader to apply and offered to provide a referral.
Bonus advice: Acknowledging dissatisfaction is the first step to making things better.
Finally, the reader who complained of a “messy” attention-seeking co-worker soon had bigger concerns — namely, being terminated during a company buyout. In retrospect, the reader realized that the real problems at work were systemic, and that “the corporate culture was toxic from top to bottom.” Happily, the reader ended up relocating to take another job with a more suitable employer and culture.
Bonus advice: Don’t let the pebble in your shoe distract you from the boulder rolling toward you.
Next week: More updates, and how to write a farewell letter.
Reader query: If you have an update you haven’t shared with me yet, there’s one more chance to submit it at karla.miller@washpost.com.
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